That G_ _ _ _

I remember somewhere around puberty, maybe a little ways into it, imagining the sensation of love and what a powerful force it would be to love a significant other. This was beyond family and friends, it was the first conscious thought about loving another and the power it could bring to your compassion, selflessness, sexual experiences, sharing, etc.. Of course I was still somewhere between teenager and young adult so there was exaggeration and being naive associated... And, probably a lot of lust that rages through boys in puberty. But, still it paved the way for the ideas of what it means to be with someone.

Most of us have a row with all kinds of relationships. The "I like her more than she likes me" or "She likes me more than I like her". The intense ones, the "Eh" ones where you were expecting a lot more but realized it was just a good cover on an uninteresting book. The ever popular codependent, the crazies who had a bad parent or parents and can't commit to anything but drama because there bound to repeat their parents relationship legacy. Then you get the ones where people hurt you. Or, maybe, your the one who hurts them... Either way this is one of the toughest because the only way to not live in this zone is to try and get some help, real help, for hope at a healthy version of a relationship.

Marriage can be the result of some relationships. For better or worse. But, chosen for a reason, or reasons, by the general population as a logical thing to do. It used to be people got married young and stuck it out regardless of the situation... time has taught us this is not smart. Then there's the next step where couples, or a person in the couple, thinks it's what's next in life. Why do 50% of marriages end in divorce... Because people don't think things through, and more importantly don't take stock in who and what they are and who they really want to be with at the time of their decision. There are NO guarantees. Even the best can end. But, I would bet my life on the fact that if people allowed themselves the time and attention to gain personal health in mind, body, and soul (their significant other should have this too) that it would go from 50% down to 25%. Marriage is like Vegas. Go with the best odds and chances are you'll have fun.

In my limited experience I've found one thing to be very true. Try and be friends with the person first. Easier said then done, but it will tell you a lot about one another and it's a lot easier to end things without all the relationship baggage. Or, you just have a friend. I will install it as best I can in my kids to embrace independence, make good friends, and be self aware. You will notice in your life regardless of where you are the best relationships and marriages have those things in common. I'm not suggesting this is fairytale. I realize we all have problems, nobody is perfect. But god dammit, is it better to hurt each other or spend some time being healthy before you take the plunge and having better odds of survival.

I asked a friend of mine once if he ever cheated. He immediately said no. Now first lets admit it comes across everyone's mind at least once, but then he said something simple and profound. He said "I don't want to be that guy!". That says it all. If you cheat, beat, are consistently untrustworthy, or just a bad person... You are THAT guy, or girl. If it's not right it's not right, but don't bring harm to another for something you are too scared or screwed up to handle. There is power in good love. There is power in treating people well. I'm no saint but I'm sick of seeing people I care about getting hurt for bad decision making. I also know people who are taking the high road in bad relationships and that hurts too. Badly. But, at least they can say "I'm not that guy!".