It is officially May 16th. It's been 13 years to the day since my dad passed away. It's true what they say... time does heal the soul. But, time has a few other tricks in it's sleeve. I was all of 22 when my dad passed, and now I'm 35 with two kids of my own. I've found myself wondering a lot lately about the past. I think being right in the middle of my 30's I'm caught in a paradigm of living. Missing parts and pieces of my past and anticipating with a good deal of excitement the future.
After all, when you have income, family, friends, and love you really do have what you need. There isn't a good reason to dwell in past or future, but just live in the moment. We can't control what tomorrow might bring but as you string the days together, the influences of your decisions and the people closest to you become very apparent. I guess that's what people mean when they say you control your own destiny, whether good or bad. Spring has become an interesting time for me. It's always been my favorite time of year, but it's never without surprises.
Every spring there are floods, tornadoes, severe thunderstorms, fires, and other perrineal natural events. I guess Mother Nature isn't a morning kinda lady after her winter slumber. Inspiration comes at you like a tease. Basically there will be two weeks with sun and 70 degree weather and no mosquitos, and then the heat and humidity come. Don't get me wrong, I'd take April thru July over any other time in good ol' MN, but a few months would be preffereable to two weeks. Within our immediate family we celebrate something like 11 birthdays in May, every-other-year somebody graduates and then there's the endless cycle of recitles for dance, music, etc.. Finally, May is the month that plans your summer. By the end of May you will have every weekend booked, most weeknights occupied, and be slightly dreading the fact there's no room for nothingness.
I'm sure when I'm older I'll miss the race and pace of spring. Although May 16th will always be clouded in my mind, spring is still my favorite time of year. It's a reminder that things move on. Getting older you get wiser (you're supposed to anyway), and there's new chapters in your life whether you're 5 or 85 yrs. old. Hug something, plant something, touch something that wants to touch you back... Just live a little.
I miss you dad.
Bergen asked about you today when I picked her up from preschool. She said she wanted to go see Pappa Ken. She said she missed you, she asked if you were alive, then whinned "Ohh!" when I told her "No.", then looked at me and said "He's your dad.". Having never met you she missed you on the anniversary of our last night together. Not bad for her first week as a 5yr. old.
